Now we who are strong [in our convictions and faith] ought to [patiently]                                                              put up with the weaknesses of those who are not strong, and not just please                                                          ourselves. Roman 15:1 AMP

                                                        It is one of the hardest things to do is to ask for help, I lived under the                                                                  illusion that asking for help in any shape or form, was the worse thing I                                                                  could do. So I suffered in silence.

                                                        Coming from an abusive childhood, humiliated in from of class mates, not allowed to have friends that I felt comfortable with, they had to be “’white” not of the same complexion as myself.

Emotional abuse, anyone of the same color was bad and would lead me down the wrong path. 

Sexual abuse, having babysitter thinking it was the right thing to do, caring out his sexual desires on me each night, which left me scared for many years.

Physical abuse, having bruises on my back and legs that turned so black that it looked like a pattern. 

I lived in an era that said whatever happens in this house stays in this house.  So who could you confide in? no one.

Then I was introduced to a man called Jesus and a song that said ‘Oh what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.’

So I decided to look up the writer of the song. Joseph Scriven born on Sept. 10, 1819, in Ireland to wealthy parents so he went to great schools. 

He fell in love but was never able to go to the next step marriage as tragedy struck him not once but twice.

His first fiancé fell off her horse and drowned the day before their wedding as he stood the other side of the river helpless.

His second fiancé died of pneumonia weeks before their wedding. 

Scriven a young man who fell into deep depression, who would have been told  to “pull yourself together”, as who could he confide in, his heart is hurting, broken, ripped apart, but who understood and was willing to sit and listen.

He found solace in Plymouth, Canada by helping those less fortunate than himself, giving his time and money to ease the pain of a broken heart. 

Did he go into missionary work with the wrong intentions?

Are we doing things to save face or are we doing thus says the Lord?  Those who knew him could see the depression, but what can we do when you are not willing to say “Help Me”. 

It is believed Scriven unknown illness was due to his depression.

A friend came to visit and noticed a poem beside his bed, which Scriven had not intended anyone else should see. His friend asked him who had written the poem. Scriven replied, "The Lord and I did it between us."

Scriven thought the poem would, perhaps, bring some spiritual comfort to his mom, who still lived in Ireland, to encourage her.

Sadly, one night Scriven walked out of his house it is believed whilst his friend were in the other room, his body was found in a pool of water the next day.

But Ira Sankey saw the poem and put it to music to encourage anyone who needs to understand God and why He loves us.

This form of tragedy can happen to any of us today, how would you handle it? Who would you talk to? Do you think you can overcome, get up and walk, talk and live again?

Finding the right person to talk can be daunting.  But this friend Jesus has a poised ear waiting for you to cry out whatever is causing you distress, pain, hurt and if you’re looking for a way forward because He said ‘cast all your cares upon him, because he cares for you’ 1 Peter 5:7

So, I learnt to talk to my new friend Jesus and off load everything onto Him.  These all important questions needed answering.

1. WHY did you allow these things to happen to me?

2. WHERE were you whilst they were happening?

3. HOW can I get past or through the rest of my life with all these things hanging over me?

His response Psalms 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?

It didn’t happen overnight, it took time, patience, listening to God and a self-will to get out of the darkness and walk into towards the light, who is Jesus.

I wanted to go to a counsellor but God said NO, I am your counsellor, I want you Paulette to talk to me and I will bring you through… I talked and talked to God, I wanted to be free, to walk with my head lifted up and stop walking looking at the ground.  I wanted to connect with God like Peter or Paul or even David in the bible, in those days I didn’t realise there was such promising women in the bible.  I can confess prayer or talking to God if you like changes things, he is the great I am.

Until one day I heard stop talking and start listening to me…  ‘And now my head shall be  lifted up above my enemies all around me;” Psalms 27:6a.

Hold on God; my head can be lifted up above all those that abused me?

All those that look down on me you will allow me to rise up, me Jesus you sure?  Yes, Paulette the only thing stopping your joy is the lack of trust in Me.

Each time you trust me and I’ll take you through, He says you are allowing the sacrifices of praise to hit my nostrils and that brings me joy and I want to increase your joy. I was shocked that God would find time to comfort me.

Psalms 27:6b Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.”  This revelation blew my mind when we trust and open ourselves to God, He will open Himself to us.  Since 1976 I have been on this walk with my God and I have learnt so much, developed so much, one things for sure is my past no longer holds me back.  Don’t allow yours to hold you back pass it onto God.

All of my help came and still comes from the Lord.  Where does yours come from?

Philippians 4:6 – “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.”

duly submitted by:

Paulette Freeman, London